reflection

I had lunch with a friend today. The first time I met her was 1.5 years ago at a conference where we were in the same small group. We haven't really spoken since then. I went to her church on Sunday, and as we exchanged greetings after service, a fairly personal, yet expected subject came up. Surprisingly, I found myself sharing some of my recent struggles and found that she was going through similar things - all this openness despite us being "strangers." Today was more of a follow-up, picking up the conversation where we left off on Sunday.

After lunch, I dropped her off at Emory and began my long trek home. I got lost, needless to say, but I didn't contact anyone. I took advantage of my alone time in the car, driving, listening to music, and feeling pretty independent (meaning being able to find my own way home). However, there was this overwhelming sadness/emptiness that came over me.

Even now, I'm uneasy. I sit, pace back and forth, lay down, over and over again; rarely doing each for more than 10 minutes. There's this extremely unsettling feeling in me, and I don't know what it is. I had friends over tonight, but even so, I felt strangely. I need to pray long and hard tonight.

...

I need to guard my heart. I need fear driven obedience, trusting that this is the best decision for me in the long run.