deserted

For the first evening, the color photo lab is completely empty. I have the entire place to myself so no fighting for the developer or waiting in line to get my prints into the machine.

It's getting pretty chilly in here. Wish I brought a jacket or hoodie or something.

Ah, but I can't wait to leave so I can go get some food and tend to my baby, Junior.

Well look here, my last print for the night is out and done. Time to go home.

my diagnosis

Benzonatate & Loratadine

I slept for a good 10.5 hours yesterday. Woke up for class today and spent all of class outside on the intramural fields, along with Junior. I think getting fresh air helped, but regardless, I decided to go to the health center just to be sure I didn't get the swine flu or something awful.

Turns out it was just a flu.. or something of the likes. Got some prescription meds and allergy medicine. I hope I didn't develop allergies. That'd suck.

Took Junior to the dog park, and he had a blast. Don't think being out in the cold, dusty dog park really helped my symptoms, but I had fun. :)

Time to do some catching up on my work and watch Hell's Kitchen. I should probably eat something, but man, I don't feel like getting up.

miserable

Funs times always seem to come with consequences in Athens.

Friday night was the Loft, Raw Bar, hookah, and waffle house until 5:30AM with Bo and his Lambda boys.

Saturday was filled with an early lunch with the boys, watched Pandorum at the theater w/ Bo, ran in the rain, Choo Choo's, back home for Shawshank Redemption, and yet another night out at hookah with a few of the Lambda boys; then coming home to feed the boys until nearly 5AM.

Sunday was my off day. Cooked a semi-baked spaghetti from scratch + guacamole, fed about 7 people while watching The Boondock Saints. The rest of the evening was filled with laughs, mockery, youtube, stories, and the like. Needless the say, the "evening" ended at 6AM this morning.

The weekend was crazy, fun, and hilarious. I don't remember laughing this hard in a while. Ah. But my body can't hold this going out thing anymore. It's gradually taking a heavy toll. I developed some throat irritation last night and 4.5 hours later it feels worse. I can't swallow anything without this burning sensation. My back is tensed up.

I need to go to the gym today. Racquetball perhaps...

I feel like my ailments are from my lack of exercise. Time to get healthy.

crazy

Another night out with friends.

I love meeting new people. Tonight was pretty stress relieving, other than the fact I was trying to cook for 3 hungry boys after all the festivities at 4AM.

Now, I'm stuck with a snorer. My goodness. Can't kick him or push him off the bed, but man.. looks like I won't be sleeping much again.

Pray Until Something Happens.

Times get hard. Life gets hard. The Christian life is hard.

It is important to press on, or push oneself despite what comes up. God never gives one more than they can handle.

Many people face different adversities; my life isn't a yellow brick road either. Often times, I want to throw my hands in the air and admit defeat. Quite frankly, I think I do so more often than not. Perhaps it's because I don't want to deal with it, especially after it prolongs itself. Well, in whatever reasonable circumstance, giving up shouldn't be an option at all.

Just because life gets hard doesn't mean you should throw everything aside and not do anything. Pray until something happens. I know that I, as one person, cannot do everything even if I wanted to. When I see people hurting or facing difficult times, I wish with all my heart that I could offer something to ease their suffering. Unfortunately, I can't do much. I won't even say that I can understand what they are going through - because quite frankly, I will never being able to comprehend on their level. Why? Because I am not them. I may be able to relate to a certain degree, but I won't fully understand.

Fortunately though, I have the power of prayer. Everyone has it. Pray until something happens. That's the only thing I have to offer. God's heart breaks when he sees his children suffering. In the same way, my heart is broken for those that are going through rough times - and I hope it's the same way for others.

James 1:2-5
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

P.U.S.H.

back in action

So, today was quite restful. I decided to stay home from class and take a breather for myself; also considering today's class was nothing but watching videos. Sorry, I'd much rather stay home and watch TV and/or tend to other important things, thank you very much (for wasting my tuition money for nonsensical lessons).

I'll probably go out and take some photos today. It's a beautiful day, and I must take full advantage of it before the storm clouds move back in. I have some great conceptual ideas running through my head that needs out. Hopefully they turn out on film as I picture them in my head.

Time for lunch!

Goodbye, loves.

charter sucks

I spent most of yesterday cleaning my room while the internet was down. Laundry, vacuuming, dustings, and the likes. I feel like I can actually breathe in my room now.

Then for the first time in a very long time, I watched TV all evening. Hell's Kitchen, The Biggest Loser, Fox 5 News. It was relaxing, to say the least. :)

J has come down with a fever of some sort. Worries me. Probably will drive down today to go see him if he doesn't feel any better.

I hope the rain stays away. I don't want to be greeted with flood waters when I drive this weekend.

night shift

Justin Noh at QT

taken with Canon EOS A2E w/ Fuji 160 ISO

Sometimes, I just wonder about the circumstances that I am placed in. What could be the reasoning. Why do I continue to wrestle with my inner self when I thought I had myself all figured out? Why does getting older only make life a bit more complex?

I feel as if I will stay young forever. 23 feels the same as 18, minus the some situational differences. I've grown as an individual; however, I don't feel like there is a crazy distinction. Maybe since I'm looking at myself. I'm sure others see the difference.

I can't continue to live like I'm 18. What are the priorities in my life at this point?

Finish school. Find a job and/or go to graduate school. Get married (hopefully). Have kids (hopefully). Life a long and happy life.... hopefully.

Wishful thinking at 23? Perhaps. I just can't wait for those things to actually happen.

bon nuit.

23 years

I remember when birthday's were fun. I'd look forward to it every year, but now it's lost much of its appeal. I'm not old (yet), but I don't quite see the fun in getting older.

Then again, I'm hoping I'll enjoy being 23 for the next 12 months. Maybe something spectacular will happen. Maybe something dreadful. Regardless, I'm prepared to face whatever challenges and surprises lie ahead.

Now, must start reading art history. What a great way to kick off this 23rd year of living. :)

family love

So my older cousin asked me to burn him a couple of CD's, and he emailed today wanting a revision in the playlist. Here's the email he sent me. His closing gave me a nice chuckle. :)

Ivy,

Please take out song "Forget about Dre. by Dr. Dre Feat/ Eminem and put in......."written on her" by Jay Sean featuring Birdman.

Thanks and i will see you saturday.

Love,

The best of all best, freshest of all fresh, the beast of all beast oppa in the world

getaway

"My Getaway"

taken Fall 2008

It's a fairly overcast day, and I'm absolutely loving it. There's something about walking around East Campus on days like this. There's a slight breeze that leaves me in a state of serenity. I have so much to do in the next few weeks, yet I'm curious about my surprisingly calm nature in the midst of it all. Granted, this may not last for long (come the end of the week); however, why not enjoy it while I can?

I remember going to the abandoned barn pictured above last fall. Very few people know about it, which I like. It's my mini-getaway here in Athens. I'd like to have one place where I can go for semi-complete solitude. I have the company of the cows, birds, and the few people that come around the area for maintenance. I was actually disheartened to see that they put up a fence all around the barn when I went a few weeks ago. At least I can still enjoy the other things around it (another barn of some sort is a few steps away).

I feel like I'm losing some of my photographic inspiration. I haven't been feeding it well, and my camera has been neglected for some time now. I yearn to get out and take photos, but of what? There's so much more to see, yet I'm already feeling defeated. I think I need another mini-vacation of some sort. I need to explore and get inspired! Sometimes I feel as though I'm too complacent. It's true. But what better way to fix the problem than to go out and explore.

I'm pretty hungry now. Time to eat then head to the lab for yet another attempt at developing pictures. My goal? Have a total of 5 developed by the end of this week.

lesson #1

People don't always have your best interests in mind.

No matter who the person is, they will always want to save themselves first before thinking of the effects on the other party. More often than not, they will save themselves from the fire and let the other person burn. When you put your hand on something hot, what is the natural reaction? To pull away of course. Isn't that natural instinct?

So I know humans have a basic instinct. Most people (and let me reiterate "most") have good intentions. They don't intend on hurting other people if they can help it. If anything, they strive to look out for the better of their peers.

However, I do believe that humans are far too intellectual to go solely on basic instinct. We have defined thought patterns and are very conscious beings.

It is one thing to save yourself, but it's a totally different idea to save yourself when you've thrown another person out of the boat who had no fault. This is when the innate human reaction should be questioned and then thought through rationally. "Crap. I just threw someone overboard for nothing! I better pull them back in."

Sometimes it's too late. Some drown before the assailant realizes their mistake; others make it out, but scarred for a long time.

I'm never one to throw someone off the boat without getting my stuff straightened out first. I'm just surprised people take advantage of that. Apparently people don't truly know me. I can be nice, but as soon as you attack me - I'm ready to fight back.

I've been thrown overboard, under the bus, whatever the hell you want to call it... I'm scarred and bruised, but you know what? I'm still alive and kicking.

too much

Why am I always panned out to be the bad person? Why do I end up feeling inadequate? I hate this.

My heart aches because I feel like I lost a good friend because of some other people. Maybe I shouldn't have listened, but what else can I do when it hits me so suddenly? When all this stuff is thrown out by people I just met? I wonder if they truly have MY best interests in mind.

People wonder why I don't have many friends. I just don't know who to trust anymore.

I hope I didn't lose someone that I genuinely care for. CARE. Not past tense.

Damn. It hurts.

excitement

Jay and myself after my haircut and his ear piercing

I've been keeping myself fairly busy over the past few weeks. It's been refreshing, to say the least. I've done things in a two weeks span that would normally be done within years of each other. Let's just say I'm glad I have someone that can keep up with my spontaneity.

On the other hand, this haircut is truly the best and worst decision I've made. It's surprisingly low maintenance; however, I can't do a damn thing with it! I wake up in the morning with the urge to tie it up but find myself looking in the mirror in disgust. I look like such a boy. Hair always looks good the day they actually cut/style it, but afterwards, it's a down hill trek.

I've been neglecting my blog, all while my thoughts run amuck in my head. I think I'm enjoying myself too much - the excitement and joy that has overwhelmed me these days - of course in a good way.

Time to eat, before someone kills me.

au revoir, loves.