나의 사랑하는 할머니

Ever since my grandmother was admitted to the hospital, it's been an emotional roller coaster ride for my family. There are many decision to make on behalf of my grandmother, mainly because her health is at a questionable state and she is unable to speak for herself. Just when she was turning for the worst, the next day she perked up. She was placed in a hospice earlier today and is still doing well. Although my own faith has been in question, I cannot help but to think this has to be the work of God. I'm not asking for a complete miracle and have her be wiped away from any health complications (though that'd be nice); rather, I pray and ask others to pray for comfort, healing, and no pain for however long she has left.

It's true that I fail to realize the importance of spending time with family. Let me rephrase: the importance of spending QUALITY time with family until something like this happens. Now, I see family almost everyday. We have been taking shifts throughout the mornings and evenings, switching off every 10-12 hours. Of course, during those shifts, other family members come to spend time with my grandmother and check up on her, especially since the next two weeks have been marked as a high risk period.

I've experienced two premature deaths in my family in the last 9 years and during those times, I learned the importance of spending time with family. We all did. However, I think for a moment too late we forgot. Parents and their children fighting, brothers and sisters not talking to each other... we all spent time with grandma but not enough. I can't make the excuse that I had school an hour away so I was limited to my visits. If I was honest with myself, that's bullshit. I visited her when it was convenient for me. I thought I wasn't so selfish, but I guess I still have a lot more growing up to do.

My entire family has that same weight to carry. Out of 20+ of us, only 4-5 people would make regular visits to see grandmother. Granted, that was all they did. Visit for an hour or so, leave, and come back the next day. My grandmother wakes up at 8AM everyday (probably earlier) and waits until someone visits her after work around 7PM. That was her life for the past 3 years... waiting for someone to come visit her. I want to punch myself because of it. I never thought of it that way. My cousin (who is considered the primary caretaker) usually took the initiative to take grandma out to eat every so often, take her to the doctor for check-ups, take her to get a haircut, and the like. Yet, she even feels like she did not do enough for my grandmother.

Now, grandma seems almost normal. Although that's merely judging from the outside, I can't help but to have hope that she can and will get through this. I mean, doctors gave her a few days when she went to the hospital, then a week, then back to 24 hours, now they say she has 2 weeks. If she gets through two weeks, she may have anywhere from 4 weeks to 1.5 years. This is great news. She's even slowly eating food again, though we cannot overwork her weak kidneys.

My grandmother is my inspiration. Seriously. She's always been. She's become a living testimony to me and I can't thank God enough for blessing me with such a beautiful, caring, loving, and wonderful grandmother.